Blades of light and hands of rain
dance over the open sea,
while I sit and look on.

No one else looks over the cliffs
or walks the mid afternoon streets,
so only I see the molecules dance
and they dance only for me.

The naked cliffs and the cold wind
whisper around me, playing with my hair,
with my mind, with my darkness,
asking, mocking, accusing.

Where are now the places of your youth,
if not forever lost in your dreams?

Where are the endless fields of gold
and the olive groves where the sunlight went to play,
where are they now, if not buried inside your mind?

Where is your useless strength?
Where is your empty power?
Gone?
Wasted?

Where are the voices of your past?
Their songs, are they real
or just something your madness gave you?

I smile at the wind.
I step away, and go inland,
Away from the sea, to where I hear
the sounds of the past echo forever.
And ever,
In my feverish mind.

When I was young, I was lost,
forever wondering the darkest forest of my thoughts.

My grandfathers were like the gods of old.

One was as tall as I am now, a pillar of strength.
From his hands life appeared, and animals came to eat at his hard hands.
And he sang.
Beautifully.
And in him the songs of the past and of the future came to life.

The other had dark eyes and walked proudly.
Unbent. Unbroken.
Part of him forever lost in a forgotten battlefield.
A man who taken the sea of life head on and had ever lost.
But never had bent.

My parents showed me always the sunny path.
they would teach and people would learn, and befriend them,
and always in our house there was laughter.
But I was lost.

My brothers, younger, would lead, and others would follow.
One in friendship and happiness, the other in the field.
They would lead others to victory, and friendship, and love.
But I could not.
For I was lost.

But then there came the moment and failure came upon me.
I fell, others fell, friends screamed, love cried my name.
And I was lost no more.
Mind you, there was no rage in me when I pulled my body up.
My blood ran down my face, and covered my chest, my hands, my eyes.

Only a stillness lived in my mind, a strange feeling.
Peace.
True peace.

There, in the screams, in the blood, in the pain.
Peace.
Purpose.
And from that seed came my happiness.

Not a God
Not a Giver
Not a leader
Not a Friend

I am the pillar

I am stone, fire, dark, smiling, unmoving.

And in my shadow, others move,
some rest and hug my faults,
others pass by and never notice.

But I know.

I am the pillar.